irreligious at best.

Watching 45 Days and thinking about what I'm about to do for the next few days hit home something to me. I am going to be working with some churches doing a youth retreat, and I got to thinking that hey, I'll be doing what I love: hanging out with some kids, playing some music, and talking about Christ. It made me think that I may experience a bit of heaven because these retreats are always so full of meaning and life giving hope. Then I got to wondering if what I do as a member of a band in the hardcore scene would even be something I would be able to carry on in heaven. See, I have a very different view of heaven than a lot of people in that I think we are all going to be active in some way in the coming kingdom and I often wonder what that would look like. 

I came to the conclusion that no, I would not be doing what I do in heaven. At all. My heart's passion here on earth is bringing hope to a very dark culture that is imbued with no small amount of hurting and sadness. I love my music and I love my scene, but that's the sad state of affairs I constantly find in the hardcore culture despite the fact that so much of it is a positive impact on these kids. The reason it has such an impact is because the bands support these kids through what they go through and many have seen the darker sides of our humanity, be it in the secular or sacred realms. Yes, I said sacred. It is a sad indictment on all Christians everywhere, but a true on. The church has in many cases brought hurt and pain instead of redemption, but that is a symptom of a larger problem that is the topic of another blog entirely.

When I get to heaven, I'm not going to be playing this stuff for kids who are broken. There won't be the things that hurt them in the first place. There won't be drug addled parents, there won't be uncaring elders, there won't be people judging them for how they look, and they won't have psychological issues that tear at their self image or personality in ways that just wreak utter havoc on them. There won't be thoughts of suicide. There won't be a desire to cut themselves because they feel so much emotional pain. There won't be parents beating them, friends victimized by rape, or friends who just killed themselves because going on in this world was inconceivable in their darkest hours.

See, when these kids get to heaven, Jesus is going to come running to them. He is going to embrace them and there will be a moment when tears are shed over all they had to go through. I believe Jesus' heart is wracked with sorrow for these kids and adults who have lived through these events. With his great big carpenter arms he is going to reach out and bear hug the crap out of them, and they will feel what it is to truly be loved regardless of what they look like, clothes they wear, or bands they like. Jesus has lived through everything they experienced when he died for them here on earth (again, a break from orthodox theology, but this whole post kind of is), and he understands the sorrow inflicted on them before they could even understand what it was to have a father who was a real man and a mother who was a true woman. His heart is full to bursting for these people and many others, yet there is always room for one, two, however many more will ever exist.

And after this brief moment of reflection on all the hurt and sadness there was in life, he is going to kneel down with them in his arms and wipe away their tears. Even if this is a metaphor, what a powerful image for the scene. Many tears are shed in this culture because of the nature of people who experience affinity with it. With these tears, Christ sweeps away all the hurt inside. With these tears, away is the heavy burden lived with for years. These kids won't need my music ever again to remind them that Christ is there for them because he is standing right there with them, right in front of them, holding them and never letting go again. They are completely overwhelmed by his presence and never have to go through whatever it is that brought such emotional agony to them here on earth for the rest of eternity.

Which means that my band will not be necessary. My music is ineffective, it's purpose is completely null and void. I love my music, it's who and what I do. Through it, I can pour out into people I'll never meet and tell them that there is someone out there that will hang tighter than family. A popular sign of loyalty is the idea of fighting for someone, even dying for them. I have often taken it further and considered bleeding for someone as a symbol beyond death. Death is final, true, but it ends the pain of the fight and struggle. Bleeding for someone means that you've done your utmost for them no matter the cost and you both are still standing. Dying for someone is a heavy price, but how much the better to survive with your brother to continue to stand by them for the next fight?

But all this is gone. Utterly. My friends won't need me to stand by them in the hard times. My friends won't even need for me to point them to Christ, he'll be right there in front of them always with open arms and acceptance. I'll be unnecessary but to continue to praise God for all eternity. What a great thought.