There's a song that's been wracking my head to escape for the past eight hours now. It's got a beautiful melody line, but it's only intervals to my mind. It has no key. It has no lyrics. There's no supporting chord structure, and it's very complete in and of itself which leaves it very little prospect as far as far as continuation of an idea. But I've worked with this type of melody before, and I know that it is far to delicate for me to force the idea, so it inhabits this place of tension between completeness and being able to move on to new tonalities and ideas. It's inspiring other avenues of thought and musical processes, but they are merely phantasms with indistinct forms refusing to coagulate into something I can grasp onto and wrestle into place. Given my musical background of punk and hardcore, this is something I can usually do with regularity when it comes to my musical ideas as they are thought of, bent into a new form, and placed neatly into a form and finished with a rough texture before being polished up to be presentable. There is nothing more frustrating than an illusive melody.
And this is where my brain begins to go all over creation. This melody is in some ways the perfect metaphor for a lot of pieces of my life. My life is unfinished, and far from being there. It is far from set as well. I have some notions about where I'm going and how to get there, but there is a level of the fantastic involved because there is no ten year plan. I don't even have a five year plan. I can't even plan a month out, who knows where I will be ideologically, physically, or metaphysically. Yet my life feels complete, almost as if there is nothing after this moment right here. Like this melody that absorbs me for a few brief seconds, my life is focused on the here and now and there is nothing else. While fulfilling, there's a yearning for a more complete goal.
The melody in my head ends on the fourth pitch of the scale, which if you know anything about music begs for resolution downward to the third. It's not a major seventh or ninth for some colour in a chord before resolving wholesomely to the expected, known central focus. It's a note that hangs in the air, begging to be let down. Until it does there's no rest. Yet this is the note that my melody ends on. All my plans in my life, all my ideas and dreams are this note. They are begging to resolve into a larger notion. But, like the melody, there is only the hint of a larger piece. The melody is self contained and I wish you could hear it like I do.
And this is where my life is. It is self contained, the ends and the means unto itself. It justifies itself, it's focused and has meaning and purpose, but it hints at something more. Like the chords I am so desperately searching for, I know there's a plan and in due time, perhaps it will be my reward to know what it is and how I'm going to get there. But there are no lyrics that guide my ideas in a direct manner. There is no direction that is being pointed to by a seventh or a fourth. The fourth has a clear resolution point: the third. However, when it ends a phrase, there's this sense of something more and knowledge of something that belongs there. When it ends a melody, we all know where it should go, but if it doesn't go there it's almost like a lost pitch. That's where I'm at. A lot pitch, knowing where I need to go and where I should be with no way to get there.
But my faith and trust is in God alone, and He that has a put together a good work will see it's completion.
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